Where we are now

It's been a long time, way too long, since I last posted. Here is where we are.
Miss S uses the potty. I don't want to jinx it, but she has been using the potty for a few months, and it has been about a week since she has had any accidents, and about 2 weeks of pooping in the potty, which was our big obstacle. She is wearing big girl underpants, and will often stay dry through naps.
We aren't potty training at night because she is still in her crib, and will be for a few more months...but not long after March because...

Yup, come March we will be joined by Eggo v2.0! A new little peanut to join our family! Miss S is crazy excited. It is the absolute sweetest thing I have ever seen. She talks to my belly and asks/tells/demands the baby to kick. She kisses the baby and is all about lifting up my shirt and saying "Hi" to the baby. Melts my heart.
Also makes me a little nervous because she is very possessive of her mommy. Like to a point when if another child, her own cousin included, comes up and touches me, she runs over yelling, "No! That's my mommy!" I am hoping that once it is "her baby," that she will share "her mommy" because otherwise we are in for a world of tears and tantrums.

Speaking of which...what is up with the tears and tantrums!? They are so unpredictable. One moment we are laughing and dancing, the next we are in total meltdown mode. Often regarding simple request or denial of her on my behalf. The most recent was over apple juice. I asked her if she wanted juice or chocolate milk with her dinner. she replied, "No." So she got apple juice. She took one sip adn burst into tears.

"No juice mama! Chocy nak" (chocolate milk)
"Scarlett, momma asked what you would like to drink."
"Ya. Chocy nak mama." (in a very pathetic, sad, voice)

This was full on tears over something she was offered and refused. I sometimes wish I could get into her head...though a meltdown over chocolate milk makes me rethink that...

We also had our first Halloween outing. In the past, Miss S has stayed home, handed out candy to a few kids, cried, and gone to bed. This year we decided to take her out. We planned on grandma's and two or three neighbors, but she had so much fun that we ended up hitting about 6 houses (grandma's house to our house that were lit up and home). She was yelling "trick or treat" as soon as her feet hit the driveway, but if the "man of the house" was handing out candy, wouldn't say it again, kids and moms got smiles and chats though. Her favourite part of trick or treating? Seeing all of our neighbors dogs/cats. We had to bribe her away from the kitty-cat at one house with the promise of more treats.
It was a rainy Halloween. Miss S carried her umbrella until the first candy bar, then switched for her treat bag, which she held onto with an iron grip.

 Let's see...
Little Miss S love "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" which she calls "Hotdog" after the ending credits, Signing Time/Baby Signing Time/Potty Time (anything with Rachel and Hopkins) is always a easy sell. LOVES Toy Story and is just getting into princesses. She has taken to putting on hairbands, jewelry, purses etc and saying, "Ohhhh! I'm a princess!" Random because we don't talk about the princesses...interesting because it's one of the girliest stereotypes out there, and she is apparently all into it. She also loves "helping mama" which is great when it's sweeping/cleaning, but sometimes a pain when it's cooking. Mixing ingredients, great. Cracking eggs, and wanting to help with the stove/oven...not so much.
Today she did help set the table though, so that's good!
Alright, it is 8:55 on a Thursday night, which means "Must See TV" is about to start. So hopefully I will be able to keep up with the posts a bit more before the new peanut arrives. And also get more pictures. Having an iphone is great, except for the fact that all my pictures are on my phone, not my computer.
Night all.

I hate the potty...and so does Miss S

I will keep this short because I am ready to tear my hair out over it.
Miss S refuses to potty train. I have tried just plopping her in underpants...they al had to be washed from pee and poop and it didn't really seem to phase her that she was wet/dirty.
I tried bribes of candy and chocolate...no interest. So I tried cookies. No interest. She will plop her little bum down for 2.8 seconds and demand her treat...then scream and cry for more.
I sing songs. I cheer. I sit and go potty with her.
She has zero interest in actually using the potty (though she will sit on it and sing).
She has also taken to telling me that "it's stuck" as soon as she sits on the potty. She makes a face and says, "Ooooooo! It's stuck!" The end. No more trying.
We watch Potty Time. We have the watch. We read potty books. I have tried telling her that she is such a big girl, she doesn't want to wear diapers like a baby! She tells me she wants diapers. I get her new undies and make a big stink about them, she tells me, "No potty in *signs underwear*" Yay! She gets it...except not so much.
I know I am not the only one, but for some reason we are receiving a lot of "Get the 2 year old potty trained" pressure, and I was SURE that by end of summer we'd be done with diapers during the day...SO...back to underpants tomorrow (it was laundry day) and here is hoping that they stay dry.

2 Years Later

It has been hard to keep up lately, school is always busy at the end of the year, and with 3 separate birthday celebrations and her cousin's Christening (as well as a concert on Canada Day for mom and dad), Miss S has been busy!
I keep looking at my baby, my toddler, and thinking, "There is no way she is already two years old."
I mean, how the heck is it possible that it has been two years since I held my newborn? 2 years (more now, 2 years and 2 days) since I looked at my pregnant belly convinced I would be pregnant FOREVER. 2 years since my life changed completely and motherhood became my number one priority and job. Of course, Miss K was in my life and my number one, but in a different way. She's my big girl, now practically a teenager, Miss S was the first person to ever be MINE, to be dependent on ME...sometimes it still amazes me.
So, update time.
Miss S talks nonstop. Some of it is still babble, some only the people who see (and hear) her daily can truly understand, but, for the most part, she is nonstop chatter from the moment she opens her eyes until they close for sleep.
She LOVES "Toy Story". LOVES. She got spoiled for her birthday and now has Woody, Jessie and BullsEye as well as a cup and plate, backpack, book/figurines and carrying bag all dedicated to Toy Story. The only thing she MAY like better is Signing Time. We watch one or the other ALL THE TIME. Occasionally I can get her to watch "Tangled," but not for the princess...for the HORSE. And it's usually a hard sell...
She eats everything. Sushi, chili, asparagus (which she actually asked for dessert once), salad, curry. Tomatoes, mushrooms and onions are the only things she will pass on (unless they are in a sauce or soup), otherwise, she is the easiest kid to please (touch wood...please do not let me jinx it).
She RUNS everywhere. She never sits still. She jumps and hops everywhere, off stairs, onto stairs, on and off of rocks, down the hall. She has one speed- SUPER SPEED, and she is either motoring or sleeping. No in between.
She is resisting potty training, but next week I am ditching the diapers and putting on underpants outside and praying that she will prefer the potty to peepee pants. She loves watching Potty Time...just not doing it. OR, she will want to sit on the potty just as I am about to go...and will then sit and sing and kick her legs until I am ready to burst.
She is picking up new words every day, and I am amazed at what comes out of her mouth. Soccer, kick, party, cake...she hears them once and out they come!
She counts to 10...not all the time, she has to be in the mood, and sometimes she skips right to 10 because she likes the sign, but she counts! She will also tell you she is 2 and hold up 2 fingers.
She is learning the ABCs (song and signs) and loves looking for t

"Catch"up

Wow...it has been a LONG time. I've clearly been busy! I have been back to work more frequently with a part time placement, and what that evidentially means is that I have an abnormally clingy child, yes, I said it, child.
21, now almost 22 months old. 2 years ago I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, only 2 months to go, feeling great (albeit bloated) and eagerly awaiting "Eggo's" arrival.
Let me catch you up.
Miss S is starting to talk... A LOT. She signs most of her words, but she is quickly picking up more and more words every day. Her favourite word is "siiiiiiiide"! There are two versions. "siide" or "ow siide," which means "outside," and "siiiiiiiiiide," which means "slide.
I caved and bought a Little Tykes slide for our yard because Miss S + the "siiiiiiiide" = hours of fun. HOURS. The first day we brought it home she played, and played...actually, to back track, she screamed because I made the mistake of bringing her to go pick the slide up. She kept her hands on it the entire ride home and tried to climb it while we put it together. Then it was time to play...and play... and play. Luckily she can now climb up herself to slide down, because it was a long 2 days while she mastered that skill. Now I can garden or read and have a cup of coffee while she "siiiiiiiiides".
The first evening, after we went in for supper (Miss S screaming and crying), she stood at the window and cried, then sat in her high chair, looking out at her "siiiiide" and cried. I shudder to think of it.
She puts her own boots on, often on the wrong feet, but she puts them on ALL BY HERSELF every time! She brings her little rainbow boots (which she wears ALL THE TIME because they are 'booows" aka rainbow boots, anyways, she brings her little boots to a corner, leans against the wall, and slips her little feet into them.
She puts her hands (and other small objects) into her pockets, coat, sweatshirt and pants pockets. Yes, I have yet another set of pockets to check. Thanks Daddy for teaching her that.
She picks me flowers (dandelions mostly, but they are fabulous flowers to pick out of the lawn).
She signs "I love you," two ways actually.
She sings the chorus to the theme songs for Signing Time, Potty Time and Baby Signing Time and will ask for specific movies of each of these.
She LOVES Toy Story 2 and now has a little plastic Woody and Jessie that she carries around. She says "Toy Story" and asks to watch it...number 2 is her favourite, but she will tolerate the others. Funnily enough, we only ever get to the part in "Toy Story 2" when Woody gets fixed and she gives up, we generally watch the other half later.
Sorry, I know, not an overly exciting post, but man, my kid amazes me. So much has happened, I couldn't even begin to write it all out! She eats hummus, and cabbage. She holds the dog's leash while we walk. She tells (signs for) people to "share' when she wants something and says "tan tee" (thank you) when you give her something.
She is loving and snuggly and just all around wonderful. She recognizes people in pictures, and her new favourite thing is to look at pictures on the iPad (or photo albums) and hear all about the pictures.
Oh, can't forget her new favourite dolly friend. Daddy loves her. She used to be my dolly, Miss S has adopted her and Daddy has named her "Creepy Connie."
Here is why......

I think Connie gets up to mischief in the night because of pile of lonely socks has grown since she has joined our family. Perhaps she is using them for some sort of evil scheme? Or a craft? T seems convinced she is up to no good.

Baby's 4 Letter Word

Until I had a toddler, I never thought I would ever tire of hearing the word, “Mama.”

Then my baby became a toddler and started chattering nonstop. The chatter I love. It is so endearing and sweet. The excited, “Mama!” I get when I come home, or the snuggly, “Awwww, Mama,” I get when she comes in for a hug and kiss, I love. What I don’t love so much is the shrill, persistent, “MAMA” I have been hearing for the past week or so.

MAMA!!

Yes baby?

MAMA!! MAMA!!

Yes baby? I’m listening.

Gorgy Mama! Mama! Gogry Mama!

Oh yes, I see.

MAMA!

MAMA!

MAMA!

This will go one for what seems like hours. I cannot simply acknowledge her voice and smile, I must have both eyes on her, both hands empty, and all attention directed at her. Even if she is simply showing me the same picture in the book over and over...or pointing to her socks, shoes, dolly...whatever.

MAMA!! MAMA!

I was putting on a youtube video of laughing babies for her, she thinks it’s funny, but she freaked when I turned to look at the computer to load the video. 

MAMA! Daydy Mama! Daaaaaaaydeeeeeeee!!

(Daydy is pronounced like “baby” for those not in the know.)

“Mama” has suddenly become a demand, a very loud, very shrill demand. If I try, I can look on the bright side and think, Well, at least she wants to share every moment, every little thing with me. At lease “Mama” to her means she will be acknowledged and praised.

I would just like to point out to you, baby girl, that “Dada” is just as effective. Particularly when I am in the bathroom or tub. 

Baby vs University

A girl once barfed in my hair while out with friends...There are some parallels to university and motherhood that I never expected.
It is inevitable that you will not make it through motherhood without being thrown up on at least once. You will also have to wash vomit out of your bed sheets unexpectedly at 3am, and while I never had to wash urine or poop out of my sheets as a university student (but I know people who have...), you will be doing that as well. Often more than once a night.
You will also have vomit in your hair, and it wont be your own.
You will feel overwhelmed sometimes.
You will miss your mom.

In university you are out with your friends. You interact with adults on a regular basis. You drink lattes and discuss current events. You easily pass judgement on the mother with a screaming toddler in Starbucks, rolling your eyes and thinking, "I would never allow my child to behave like that."

In motherhood you occasionally get to go out with friends with babies. The adult interaction you do get is generally to discuss baby paraphernalia...or poop. Or, if you have returned to work, you talk about work...and your baby. You give the mother with the screaming toddler a sympathetic smile as your own toddler throws her sippy cup on the floor and screams for a cookie. You glare at the 20 somethings who don't step aside for the stroller and toddler you are dragging out the door.

Funny how egg meeting sperm can change your life so completely. How someone so small and delicate can make you so strong. How in a moment, your life changes forever and everything before motherhood truly seems so small and far away.  Not insignificant, because my university years were anything but, just small. Like a speck in the grand scheme of things because being a "momma" is forever. It is life changing. It is my reason for getting up and going to work, my reason for being a better person.

20

20 months ago I had a newborn. 20 months...unreal. We currently have a "don't pay for 20 months" plan on our new bedroom furniture, it seemed like a long time when we made the purchase, but suddenly it feels like another 20 months could fly by us once again.
This time last year my baby girl wasn't even crawling yet. She was scooting and rolling, but not crawling, never mind running around the house.
This time last year my baby girl wasn't talking. We had a few signs, but other than "MAMAMAMMAMA" and "DADADADA," no "real" words.
This time last year I was shopping in the baby section, the toddler section of the store seemed like another world. Now I look at what she was wearing this time last year and the little dresses and pants look like doll clothes. How did my baby get so big?
Almost two years have passed since our family went from three to four. Almost two years since we brought our squishy newborn home and rocked to to sleep in my grandfather's cradle. Almost two years of late nights and early mornings; of diapers and car rides; of giggles and tears. It's amazing what 20 months means to me now. It is so significant, we are truly exiting the baby stage and entering toddlerhood. In no time at all we will be leaving toddlerhood behind and will have a preschooler. It's not that far off, because in another 20 months, when we are making our final payment on the furniture we just set up, Miss S will be getting ready to turn FOUR and start school.
20 months of love and snuggles and big baby kisses. I can't wait to see what comes next.

The Sweetest Sound

I feel as though I should give my little darling a more loving, motherly post today, because at 4:30 this morning, I was not feeling motherly. I wasn't even feeling human. Being woken by hysterical screaming that even a big hug and kiss can't fix...SUCKS.
But this is a happy post, because I just spent 20 minutes putting Miss S down. She was snoring in 5, but I couldn't help but hold her close, listening to her stuffy nose snores, feel her warm body in my arms as we rocked in the chair, soft music playing gently in the background. It was one of those movie moments, you know the ones. The moments you see in the movies all too often that make motherhood look easy and give the impression that sleeping like a baby is actually a good thing.
It was the sweetest sound, my baby's breathing, the piano in the background, the soft creak of an old wooden rocking chair. It was one of those moments that made it seem like 4:30am didn't happen. A movie moment that washed away the stress of the day, the ache in my head, the exhaustion in my eyes. These moments are fleeting and it makes me a little sad to think that one day soon, she wont want me to hold her in my arms as she falls asleep. These are the moments that make me grateful for all that I have and all that Miss S is, terrible toddler moments and all.
Night night sweet baby. See you when the sun shines (and not a moment earlier please).

Terrible Toddlers

Yesterday I was thisclose to trading in Miss S for a newer, less whiney model. I think she is defective, as though at 19 months my sweet, easy going baby's warranty is up and I am now stuck with a whiney, screeching, temperamental toddler. Anyways I can rewind to a month ago when screaming fits of rage were uncommon as opposed to unpredictable?
She had a meltdown over a pencil. That's right, a PENCIL. Not a crayon, marker, cookie...a stupid pencil. 10 minutes of screaming in the corner over a PENCIL.
Then over not wanting to sit in her high chair to eat, like to a point where we thought she was going to be sick.
Or over wanting to take her PJs off.
Or wanting to stand up in the tub.
Another popsicle.
To sit in the stroller.
To get out of the stroller.
To go for a walk.
To go back to the house.
To sit on a chair.
To have a(nother) sucker.

Those are the few things that come to mind when I think of the meltdown's in the past 72 hours...keep in mind that she was upset over the same thing on multiple occasions.
OK...say it with me...LML...
And, just so as not to end this on such a negative note...there are some pretty Terrific Toddler moments too. No need to fret mommas. they are sweet too. Especially when they,
Say new words
Point out colours, shapes, letters and animals for you
Give kisses and hugs
Chatter away
Sit on the potty
Help clean the house
Sleep through the night

Oh wait, that last one doesn't apply to us lately. Well, that's not entirely true, but waking up before the sun is up is growing old very quickly. I am having visions of being up at 5am once the clocks change.
Anyone know where to get one of those clocks that tells kids when it's ok to wake up the rest of the house? Better yet, how can I remind her that 7:30-7:30 is the ideal sleep pattern. What happened to those days? We went MONTHS on that schedule, sometimes as far as 7-8. I swear to all things holy that if my child starts sleeping till 7am straight through again, I will never complain about her sleeping ever again.

I mean really, I thought that naps equaled good nights? Lately we have been having great naps (touch wood, please don't let that have jinxed today), and early mornings. BUT, if I wake her up early form a nap, we usually have restless nights...I am telling you, it's a conspiracy against us parents on behalf of the babies of the world. It's like they have all gotten together and decided that JUST when we think we are in the clear and will be getting a full night's sleep, they will throw us for a loop. Let me tell you, it's a good thing she's cute, because I am very close to hitting my limit...too bad that she'll be able to push me right over the edge...there's no trading her in now.

It's the Little Things

It's the little things that mean the most. Seeing the world through a toddler's eyes is a remarkable thing. You remember how much fun the little things can be.
Today hasn't been an overly exciting day for me. Sure, we went shopping and out for dinner, but nothing made me clap my hands and laugh the way she did over the little things.
A box of crayons and a piece of paper, the best toys money can buy, extra points if the crayons are someone else's and come in a cup instead of a box.
A cardboard box. I forgot how many things a box can become! A chair, a table, a set of drums, a hiding place...the possibilities are endless, as is the fun!
Socks, putting them on your feet, hands and saying the word...socks are fun when you're 19 months old.
Listening to the same song for the hundredth time. Every time she will laugh and clap in excitement.
Jumping. Jumping is fun when you are 19 months old, especially if mommy jumps too. Ditto for running around the house.
Tupperware. On a daily basis tupperware becomes a boat, a car, a cup, a drum... empty tupperware is almost as much fun as an empty box.
Bubbles. Blowing them or playing in them in the bath. Eating them, splashing them...bubbles are fun.
Finding a penny and putting it in her piggy bank. She found a quarter at Leon's today and was so excited, you would have thought it was a toy or piece of candy.

The little things that she sees everyday, the ones that don't cost a thing (or cost very little); the familiar things that we as adults pay little or no notice too, are what makes a toddler's day fulfilled. I would love to be able to feel the excitement over the little things the same way she does. Seeing her enjoy the little things makes me appreciate them all the more. I think everyone should spend an afternoon with a 19 month old and learn to appreciate snowflakes and slush, rocks and stickers, pennies and crayons. It's a wonderful thing to see the joy the little things bring.

Miss S admiring the snow...and eating it too...

Special Report

Yesterday after work, Miss S wanted to colour (which she shared by signing colour and bringing me markers). I grabbed her crayons and paper and put her in her high chair, where she sat for a good 45 minutes, even after Grano showed up!
Anyway...
She was colouring and I was singing The Colours of the Rainbow while showing her all the colours. I sat down with my hubby at the table when she holds up a purple crayon. I say and sign, "Purple," to which she responds by signing and saying, "Purpaaal." Not once, but twice in a row. We shrieked and clapped and repeated it to her. She proceeded to whisper it, I think we freaked her out a bit, but it was a perfect "purple." *Tear* Such a proud momma moment!

These first words are so much fun. I love (almost) every spoken word. Unless it comes at 2am, then...not so much. What makes me say this you ask? Well, for a week my darling daughter has been up in the dead of night. A few nights ago I was triumphant when we heard her calling, "Dada! Daaaaadaaaaa!!! DaaaDAA!"
"She wants you."
"I KNOW."
Win for mommy.
Until the next night when we hear a VERY loud and demanding, "Mama!! Maaaamaaaa! MaaaMAA!"
"She wants you."
"I KNOW."
You know when hearing "Mama" isn't nice? At 2:30 in the morning. The only thing I want to hear at 2:30 in the morning is...the wind in the trees, crickets...nothing. I want to hear nothing because I want to be asleep.
Luckily last night we only had a brief midnight waking where neither parent was called to her room for snuggles. In fact, neither parent even went in to check in when she started making noise because midnight is way past our bedtime and after a week of being up all night, short of a fire, we weren't getting out of bed. In all honesty I don't know who fell back asleep first, her or me, all I know is that she called me in at 6:30, which I can deal with. It was a big joke to her though.
"Mama. *giggle, giggle, squeal* Mama!"
I go in, "Shhh...morning baby."
Response I get, "Hi. *sniff, sniff* blah."
I don't know why. Maybe I had morning breath. I checked her diaper. No mess, but she sniffed a few more times before snuggling in for another 45 minutes. Good morning. It must have been all that talking she did yesterday.

19 months...another step closer to 2

Today my baby is 19 months old. I can't even believe it. 19 months did not get off to a good start. I was literally up at 19 months to the minute to when she was born. It was a long night...followed by a long day since Miss S was in no mood to nap alone. She spent her nap in my bed clutching to me. Let's hope tonight is not a repeat.

I honestly don't know where to begin. The past month alone has flown by, let's face it, my baby is closer to 2yrs old than 1yr old. We are in a totally different age bracket. 18-24 months. Practically out of the baby department and into the toddler/girl department. Yikes.

There are still "baby flashbacks" though. Lots of them actually, and I cherish each one.
While we do have words (even if we are the only ones that understand them), we still have lots of baby babble, and gosh is that priceless. She will literally babble on, laugh and keep going like, "Do you get it Momma? Aren't I funny?!"

Whenever she nurses, closes her eyes and snuggles in close, I remember my sweet newborn. She sweet, warm breath on my skin brings back all those new mom, newborn, head over heels in love memories.
When she takes my hand to walk up or down the stairs, I remember not so long ago when I had to hold her hands to help her walk.
Every step takes her further into toddlerhood and away from being my little baby. If I am being honest, each step brings her closer to being a real little girl. I look at her sometimes I think that I can't get rid of her bangs because then she really will look like a little girl. She's so tall that she often gets mistaken for older than she is.
PS- that makes buying pants a PAIN. They are either the right length but HUGE in the waist, or they are flood pants. Thank God for babylegs and cloth diapers, one to add length to her pants, the other to add a little booty.

Will I ever stop being amazed at how fast she grows? She takes my breath away. My heart beats a little faster when I think about how in two short years she will be going to school. All day, every day, away from me. Reading, writing, making friends, having sleepovers. For now I will just cherish sticky baby kisses and bear hugs. I will cherish the (very) early morning (or late night) snuggles and remember that they truly wont last forever, because sooner than I 'd like to admit, it wont be "cool" to hold hands and give countless hugs and kisses anytime, anywhere. Soon she wont need, or want, my snuggles to fall asleep, or even in the early morning light before we start our day. 19 months ago I was holding my newborn in my arms, never imagining the amazing little girl she would become. 19 months ago I was the mother of a newborn baby girl, tiny and squishy and totally dependent on me. 19 months ago I became a mother and realized what it felt like to truly love; I realized what it was to have a piece of myself, a piece of my heart, in my arms.

So, while last night and this morning...and this afternoon, I had to keep thinking of LML moments to keep from crying for lack of sleep, at this moment, sitting by myself, enjoying the quiet, I am reminded how lucky I am for every motherhood moment, the easy and the hard (though the easy are more fun). I am so fortunate to have not only my beautiful baby girl, but my beautiful big girl, and am so grateful that my girls are surrounded by love. 19 months ago my family went to sleep as a family of four. We were forever changed by a tiny bundle of pink who still fills our days with laughter and love. Happy 19 months my little Petunia Picklebottom. Momma loves you.

Pieces of Me

Becoming a mother is a lot like when the Grinch learns the true meaning of Christmas, but worse.
You know how the Grinch looks down and sees all the Whos singing and his heart grows three sizes? That's what happens when you become a mother...but imagine that the part of your heart that grew three sizes now lives outside of your body.
Being a mother means that a part of your heart, the part essential to living, is running around the world getting into mischief, getting bonked and bruised, crying, laughing and, in a nutshell, adding more than one grey hair to your head.
Being a mother means that every time your baby falls down, gets a bump or bruise or cries, your heart aches. It physically hurts my heart to see my baby in any pain, to even think about anyone ever hurting her is enough to make me ill.
On the flip side, my heart aches in my chest ( and I think my uterus joins in) whenever she meets a new milestone. Every smile and giggle, every time she claps her hands and jumps up and down in excitement, every time she says, "Mama," and gives me a big hug and kiss, my heart skips a beat. My heart quickens in my chest at my little piece of me laughing and dancing around the kitchen. I can literally feel my heart pounding in my chest, like it is trying to work harder to convey the love I have for the piece of my heart living on the outside.
It's a funny thing, motherhood. You spend 40+ weeks (41+ weeks in my case), waiting for that little baby to be born, never knowing that when your baby exits your body and enters the world, she will take a piece of your heart with her. When she is crying at 2 am, your heart (and let's face it, sanity) is crying with her...what could have happened to break her little heart?? (No, seriously, what? WHAT happened?)
When she runs up to you laughing and giving kisses, your heart knows, even if she can't tell you the words, that she loves you completely, that she trusts and needs you...and that you need her too. After all, you can't live without your heart, especially the piece on the outside.

One Word

Time again for One Word Wednesday! I will start with a brief (well, as brief as I can be) prelude.
Miss S is obsessed with our new iPad. Particularly with the Pierre talking Parrot app. Basically, Pierre repeats what you say in a funny parrot voice. You can throw tomatoes at him, hit him, pat him, smash him with cymbals, and best of all...it's free. Baby girl loves it. As soon as she wakes up she asks to play. If she sees a computer, she asks to play. Basically, she wants to play with Pierre all day long. Here is her with her most pitiful, sad puppy dog face...

P-p-p-puh-leeeeeeease!

Oh the Joys.

There are several things about motherhood I didn't expect.

10. Goldfish, Cheerios, raisins and other small food bits in my bra. How do they get there?
9. Oven mitts under my bed. Yes, under my bed. I did not put them there.
8. Signing Time/Baby Signing Time/Potty Time music and DVDs on throughout the day. For every daily activity from "potty" to eating to getting dressed, I sing a Rachel Coleman song.
7. Kid music in the car. Every time.
6. Never getting to use the iPad because of a certain someone's obsession. Plus, she works it better than I do anyways. Seriously, she gets multiple apps on the go and flips back and forth between them. Even the blue shirts at the Apple store couldn't figure it out.
5. Toys that sing, bang and light up. Used only when I already have a headache.
4. Traveling with various treats, clothes and entertainment items...enough for an army, just so I can go to the grocery store.
3. Boogers and sticky hands wiped on my pants. Usually done as I am walking out the door to work.
2. My make-up is now for play. I put it on, she puts it on...then "dusts" the furniture with my brushes.
1. Using the potty and brushing teeth EVERY TIME we see the bathroom. EVERY.TIME.

Alright, I know it's not all sunshine and lollipops, but being a mommy to a toddler is fabulous at the best and infuriating at the worst.
Seriously. Shrieking, loudly. Demanding, repeatedly. Temper tantrums make me want to scream and bang MY head on the floor.
How the heck to you reason with an 18 month old? We have time outs, "reasoning", distractions...and often, just walking away and letting her work it out. This is usually done in front of people. Like she saves up all her fusspot moments for company. Or, if she has been with GranO for the day, for me. She will be an "angel" all day. Sweet and funny, helpful and easy going. Then I walk through the door and she stamps her feet and screams for attention, treats and basically to have her way RIGHT NOW.

OK, OK, bright side: she does coming running at me with hugs and kisses. She holds my hand and snuggles in close. She waves at the door as I walk/drive up the driveway. It's not all bad, in fact, it's mostly wonderful, but on some days, when I have been chasing kindergarteners around all day and just want to sit with my feet up, it feels like she is ten times as needy as usual. It's hard to balance everything. Motherhood, being a wife, having a career, keeping the house clean. Work never ends. Thank God for good TV and wine.

Top 18

My baby turns 18 months old this month. (Well, today actually, but keep in mind that I started this about a week ago.) How can that be? I know, every month I am shocked that she is another month older, but 18 is really significant. That's almost 2. A year and a half. Holy. Cow. I still don't believe it.
To top it off, this milestone age lands (landed) on Friday the 13th. How appropriate because it scares the poopy right out of me. She has seen two Thanksgivings and Halloweens, two Christmas', two New Years Eves, she has had one birthday and her 2nd is halfway here...she is growing up.
Having an 18 month old changes everything. Suddenly people are asking you about toilet training (she loves to sit on the potty, but not so much pee or poo in it, she freaks and shouts, "Blllaaaaah!"). Breast feeding starts to become taboo, and you start to really worry about the development of your baby, especially since everyone and their mother asks how many (if any) words she has, if sign language has delayed those words, if she is "really" talking...Listen up people, I worry about those things enough without you adding to my stress. And FYI, she does have words, strangers just may not understand them.
Seriously though, she does have words. My husband discussed it with her doctor just the other day when she got her needles because apparently at 18 months they should have 5 words. I had to struggle to think of some before I was reminded that the obvious words count. Words he asked for were; "mama", "dada" and "uh-oh". Whew. Safe. She also says "Hi," but she has said that for such a long time that I forget about it, "Gorgor," which is Gordy, our (and any) dog, "gackaaar," cracker, the occasional "bye", recently "buubaaaal," bubble and a variety of other sounds for various things that don't really mean anything to anyone but her family. Apparently that counts though, so we are in the clear.
Enough rambling for crying out loud. The following are the whole reason for this post, the top 18 of the past 18.

18. The following words, "Reach down and get your baby."

17. When my husband said, "It's a girl," even though he was surprised.

16. Our first night at home with our new family.

15. First time her grandparents, great grandparents and all her aunts and uncles met her...seeing how much love our tiny little person had at just a few hours/days old was remarkable.

14. The first smile. Nothing more beautiful.

13. The first time she slept through the night. Nothing more necessary.

12. The first time she rolled over. I just about did too.

11. First time she sat up unassisted. I almost fell over.

10. The first time she crawled. I think I sprouted a few grey hairs.

9. The first time she pulled herself up. Oh God, move everything up a level.

8. First Birthday. Oh. My. God. Where did my baby go?

7. First steps. Even though I missed the first two actual unattended ones, her first steps made me so proud, so happy, and so sad that my baby was becoming so independent.

6. First backwards steps. Ok Miss S, stop showing off.

5. First dance, seeing what a little ham she is.

4. First, and any laughs. The first was the sweetest, but her full blown big girl belly laughs are my favourite. It's infectious. I dare you not to laugh along with her.

3. Her signing. Watching her sign language take off took my breath away. Seeing how smart she is amazes...and scares me.

2. One word. "Mama".

1. The first (and many) times my baby girl has run up to me, thrown her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. Makes my day better no matter what has gone down.

To all you mommas out there who do not yet have an 18 month old, don't be afraid, because with all the scariness of your baby growing up, there are incredible changes and developments of their little personalities. I can see how sweet, smart and funny my little 18 month old is and, while the new mommy in me wants her to stay my baby, I also cannot wait to see what comes next. Especially when "mama" is followed by, "I love you." Her growing up will definitely be worth that.

One Word Wednesday

First- Happy 2012! I have a whole post Holiday blog post (those two posts in one sentence make my head hurt), but a crazy busy few weeks have turned me into even more of a blogging procrastinator. Also, I am almost finished book four of Game of Thrones and spend free time trying to get to the end of it.
Anyways...here is my One Word Wednesday picture....Enjoy!

CHEESE!