Monday 25 March 2013

A Letter To My Son

My Dear Little Boy,
You are nine days old today and you have already captured our hearts. Your sisters adore you (Miss S think of herself as a second mother), your parents are entranced and your grandparents are just in love. You have completed our family and we are so glad that you (finally) decided to make your arrival.
Your birth was highly anticipated. We were waiting...and waiting...Daddy's holidays were almost over and we were STILL WAITING, but finally, on Friday morning, our wonderful midwife called and offered to help get things started.
At bout 10:30am on Friday, March 15, we saw our wonderful midwife Agnes and she preformed a stretch and sweep after receiving a somewhat pleading call from your mommy. Daddy took your sisters out of the house and left mommy to sleep the afternoon away. Grano brought home dinner, and it was then that sporadic contractions began. I didn't think much of them, I knew that it was entirely possible that it was just more false labor.
In fact, I was so sure that I was NOT in labor, that I went shopping to buy a chair for your nursery after putting your sister to bed. Got home, went to bed, but by about 10:30, I had the distinct feeling that it wasn't braxton hicks anymore.
At 11pm I started timing the contractions, then let your dad know that he needed to get upstairs while I got in the tub to see if water slowed things didn't. We let Grano know that labor had started and we'd call when we needed her to come by. Daddy set up the bedroom for your birth. Warm, worn sheets for the bed, soft towels, and enough shower curtains and plastic table cloths to cover the floor.
By 1am mommy said it was time to page Agnes and get Grano. They both arrived around 1:30, just as I told your daddy that he better call Agnes and tell her to page the second midwife.
Sure enough, I was 7cm dilated and Andy, our other midwife, was on her way.
Things are blurry for the next little while as we suffered through contractions while being attached to an IV, which definitely limited mobility! As soon as the IV was done and I could stand, I did, and soon after, there was a gush of water. So different from your sister, with whom labor began with a trickling of water breaking.
The contractions became more intense and it was time to get back onto the bed. Mommy was so happy to be able to push, so excited and eager to meet you my little one.
After 4 pushes, about 20 minutes total, you came screaming out. Literally. We heard you scream the moment your head was out.
It was the most empowering moment. Bringing my beautiful son into the world in the comfort of our home, warm in our bed. Those first moments are so precious, and were made so much more comfortable with the scents, sounds, sights and touches of home surrounding us.
You looked so much like your sister, but so clearly masculine. And bigger, though it wasn't for an hour or so that we found out just how much bigger.
Your sister, born at 41.2 weeks, was 6.15 pounds and 54cm. You, at 41.1weeks weighed a whopping 9.6 pounds and measured at 56cm. Already verging on too big for newborn sizes, but so chubby and beautiful. Your delivery, for such a big boy, was easy. You were meant to be just as you are.
And here we are, 9 days later. Your favourite place to sleep is snuggled in close to me, your sweet baby smell intoxicating me as I sleep. You are snuggly and soft and, if there was ever a "spoiled" boy, it is you. You are always close to someone, always snuggled up.
Welcome to the world my son. We are so happy you are here.
Love and Kisses Always,


Thursday 14 March 2013

41 weeks (well, almost)

My first pregnancy was pretty glorious come to think of it. Sure, I was overdue, but that, and cankles, were really the only big discomforts. I had some nausea, but nothing bad, trouble sleeping at the end and heartburn, but, pretty tame compared to what other women had gone through. I was lucky.

The reason there have been virtually no posts the pregnancy is because it hasn't been glorious. From the start we had scares and hiccoughs and I have been beyond uncomfortable since about 18 weeks  in with painful sciatica.

Yes, pregnancy is wonderful, and it results in a beautiful little baby that I can love and hold forever. That, however, doesn't meant I don't have the right to complain about my discomforts, anxieties and stress over it.

Being 41 weeks pregnant with a toddler SUCKS. Unless you have been 41 weeks pregnant, you have no idea what it is like. Yes, I anticipated making it to, and perhaps going past, my due date once again (Miss S was 9 days late), but I didn't think it would be this far past for the second time.

Have you ever been 41 weeks pregnant and had to put on socks and boots and take the over energized toddler and dog for a walk before they both drive you up the wall?
Have you ever been 41 weeks pregnant and had to climb in and out of an SUV in the winter? Or had to lift a 2 1/2 year old in and out of...well anywhere?
My belly is bulging, my hips and back are aching, the only time I am remotely comfortable is in the tub. I can't even lie down to sleep because of the wicked heartburn and feet that are STILL lodged in my ribs.

But, yes. I do know how lucky I am to have gotten pregnant and made it to term. I know that many women suffer worse, but you know what...I am not them. I am me and I have my own stresses with this pregnancy.

When we had our dating ultrasound at around 10 weeks, we found out that our baby had a fetal gut herniation and were set up with care at Mt Sinai with a specialist. We were sent for IPS testing to rule out other disorders and get all the information we could before meeting with the Sinai people, but that was a month between ultrasounds. A month of wondering if our baby was even viable and what our options were. A month of tears and stress and no sleep. Fortunately, the IPS ultrasound and testing showed that everything was fine. The herniation cleared up on its own and there were no other signs of "defects or disorders." Sinai called and told us not to bother coming in, we carried on as usual.

Our 18-20 weeks ultrasound confirmed that baby was growing well, but that he/she did have a large belly, we are still hoping that doesn't mean a thing.
This was also the time my sciatic nerve started acting up, making it painful to stand, sit, lay, walk or exist. It has not improved.

This was followed by a UTI caused by Group B Strep, something that can cause serious damage to little babies, including, in severe cases, death. It took 2 rounds of treatment to clear it up, and I am still going to be put on IV fluids while in labor...if there is even time for them to kick in. Having a quick labor is great in terms of exhaustion and pain, not so much when you are worried about potentially life saving drugs having enough time (4hrs) to reach your child. Now, yes, I am aware that it is like a 0.1 percent chance of anything going wrong because of GBS, but you know what? I am pregnant, hormonal and feel like every test has come back with negative reviews, so ya, I am stressed about it.

I went from having no worries, to being constantly worried. I am worried about having a baby at home, but equally terrified of having a baby on the side of the road. I am stressed about gestational diabetes, GBS, if the itching rash (which isn't PUPPS) means something bad, and right now, I am stressed about when the hell this baby is going to make his/her appearance because ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I WANT THIS KID OUT OF ME. Is being pregnant and all the aches and pains and worries worth it in the end? Of course. Just because I complain, doesn't mean I am somehow ungrateful to be adding to our family. I don't need reminders that "baby will come when it comes," or how "lucky I am". What I need is support, just like any other mother (pregnant or not).

Oh, and to my husband, who has yet to sit down and discuss any possible names...thanks a heap, it sure makes it easier. I don't even have a name for this child, boy or girl, but let me tell you honey, if you don't come up with something before this baby is born, I am choosing the name because I've had them thought out for MONTHS.

However, a few happier thoughts...
Miss S is still in a crib, which means no escape routes at night. She is potty trained (though in a pull up at night because of the crib). She eats everything, is talking up a storm, knows her letters and numbers and is, for the most part, a doll. Except when she is not. Those moments aren't so fun, like being told, "No, I never ----" (fill in the blank). She has also taken to holding her pee as long as humanly possible until she is about to burst. BUT, she is helpful and friendly and loves just hanging out. I am so excited for her to become a big sister. She helped get the baby's things ready and gave the baby a blanket and a few of her own little toys (but said that she wasn't giving the baby her light, her night night blankie or her books...fair enough).