It's the Little Things

It's the little things that mean the most. Seeing the world through a toddler's eyes is a remarkable thing. You remember how much fun the little things can be.
Today hasn't been an overly exciting day for me. Sure, we went shopping and out for dinner, but nothing made me clap my hands and laugh the way she did over the little things.
A box of crayons and a piece of paper, the best toys money can buy, extra points if the crayons are someone else's and come in a cup instead of a box.
A cardboard box. I forgot how many things a box can become! A chair, a table, a set of drums, a hiding place...the possibilities are endless, as is the fun!
Socks, putting them on your feet, hands and saying the word...socks are fun when you're 19 months old.
Listening to the same song for the hundredth time. Every time she will laugh and clap in excitement.
Jumping. Jumping is fun when you are 19 months old, especially if mommy jumps too. Ditto for running around the house.
Tupperware. On a daily basis tupperware becomes a boat, a car, a cup, a drum... empty tupperware is almost as much fun as an empty box.
Bubbles. Blowing them or playing in them in the bath. Eating them, splashing them...bubbles are fun.
Finding a penny and putting it in her piggy bank. She found a quarter at Leon's today and was so excited, you would have thought it was a toy or piece of candy.

The little things that she sees everyday, the ones that don't cost a thing (or cost very little); the familiar things that we as adults pay little or no notice too, are what makes a toddler's day fulfilled. I would love to be able to feel the excitement over the little things the same way she does. Seeing her enjoy the little things makes me appreciate them all the more. I think everyone should spend an afternoon with a 19 month old and learn to appreciate snowflakes and slush, rocks and stickers, pennies and crayons. It's a wonderful thing to see the joy the little things bring.

Miss S admiring the snow...and eating it too...

Special Report

Yesterday after work, Miss S wanted to colour (which she shared by signing colour and bringing me markers). I grabbed her crayons and paper and put her in her high chair, where she sat for a good 45 minutes, even after Grano showed up!
Anyway...
She was colouring and I was singing The Colours of the Rainbow while showing her all the colours. I sat down with my hubby at the table when she holds up a purple crayon. I say and sign, "Purple," to which she responds by signing and saying, "Purpaaal." Not once, but twice in a row. We shrieked and clapped and repeated it to her. She proceeded to whisper it, I think we freaked her out a bit, but it was a perfect "purple." *Tear* Such a proud momma moment!

These first words are so much fun. I love (almost) every spoken word. Unless it comes at 2am, then...not so much. What makes me say this you ask? Well, for a week my darling daughter has been up in the dead of night. A few nights ago I was triumphant when we heard her calling, "Dada! Daaaaadaaaaa!!! DaaaDAA!"
"She wants you."
"I KNOW."
Win for mommy.
Until the next night when we hear a VERY loud and demanding, "Mama!! Maaaamaaaa! MaaaMAA!"
"She wants you."
"I KNOW."
You know when hearing "Mama" isn't nice? At 2:30 in the morning. The only thing I want to hear at 2:30 in the morning is...the wind in the trees, crickets...nothing. I want to hear nothing because I want to be asleep.
Luckily last night we only had a brief midnight waking where neither parent was called to her room for snuggles. In fact, neither parent even went in to check in when she started making noise because midnight is way past our bedtime and after a week of being up all night, short of a fire, we weren't getting out of bed. In all honesty I don't know who fell back asleep first, her or me, all I know is that she called me in at 6:30, which I can deal with. It was a big joke to her though.
"Mama. *giggle, giggle, squeal* Mama!"
I go in, "Shhh...morning baby."
Response I get, "Hi. *sniff, sniff* blah."
I don't know why. Maybe I had morning breath. I checked her diaper. No mess, but she sniffed a few more times before snuggling in for another 45 minutes. Good morning. It must have been all that talking she did yesterday.

19 months...another step closer to 2

Today my baby is 19 months old. I can't even believe it. 19 months did not get off to a good start. I was literally up at 19 months to the minute to when she was born. It was a long night...followed by a long day since Miss S was in no mood to nap alone. She spent her nap in my bed clutching to me. Let's hope tonight is not a repeat.

I honestly don't know where to begin. The past month alone has flown by, let's face it, my baby is closer to 2yrs old than 1yr old. We are in a totally different age bracket. 18-24 months. Practically out of the baby department and into the toddler/girl department. Yikes.

There are still "baby flashbacks" though. Lots of them actually, and I cherish each one.
While we do have words (even if we are the only ones that understand them), we still have lots of baby babble, and gosh is that priceless. She will literally babble on, laugh and keep going like, "Do you get it Momma? Aren't I funny?!"

Whenever she nurses, closes her eyes and snuggles in close, I remember my sweet newborn. She sweet, warm breath on my skin brings back all those new mom, newborn, head over heels in love memories.
When she takes my hand to walk up or down the stairs, I remember not so long ago when I had to hold her hands to help her walk.
Every step takes her further into toddlerhood and away from being my little baby. If I am being honest, each step brings her closer to being a real little girl. I look at her sometimes I think that I can't get rid of her bangs because then she really will look like a little girl. She's so tall that she often gets mistaken for older than she is.
PS- that makes buying pants a PAIN. They are either the right length but HUGE in the waist, or they are flood pants. Thank God for babylegs and cloth diapers, one to add length to her pants, the other to add a little booty.

Will I ever stop being amazed at how fast she grows? She takes my breath away. My heart beats a little faster when I think about how in two short years she will be going to school. All day, every day, away from me. Reading, writing, making friends, having sleepovers. For now I will just cherish sticky baby kisses and bear hugs. I will cherish the (very) early morning (or late night) snuggles and remember that they truly wont last forever, because sooner than I 'd like to admit, it wont be "cool" to hold hands and give countless hugs and kisses anytime, anywhere. Soon she wont need, or want, my snuggles to fall asleep, or even in the early morning light before we start our day. 19 months ago I was holding my newborn in my arms, never imagining the amazing little girl she would become. 19 months ago I was the mother of a newborn baby girl, tiny and squishy and totally dependent on me. 19 months ago I became a mother and realized what it felt like to truly love; I realized what it was to have a piece of myself, a piece of my heart, in my arms.

So, while last night and this morning...and this afternoon, I had to keep thinking of LML moments to keep from crying for lack of sleep, at this moment, sitting by myself, enjoying the quiet, I am reminded how lucky I am for every motherhood moment, the easy and the hard (though the easy are more fun). I am so fortunate to have not only my beautiful baby girl, but my beautiful big girl, and am so grateful that my girls are surrounded by love. 19 months ago my family went to sleep as a family of four. We were forever changed by a tiny bundle of pink who still fills our days with laughter and love. Happy 19 months my little Petunia Picklebottom. Momma loves you.

Pieces of Me

Becoming a mother is a lot like when the Grinch learns the true meaning of Christmas, but worse.
You know how the Grinch looks down and sees all the Whos singing and his heart grows three sizes? That's what happens when you become a mother...but imagine that the part of your heart that grew three sizes now lives outside of your body.
Being a mother means that a part of your heart, the part essential to living, is running around the world getting into mischief, getting bonked and bruised, crying, laughing and, in a nutshell, adding more than one grey hair to your head.
Being a mother means that every time your baby falls down, gets a bump or bruise or cries, your heart aches. It physically hurts my heart to see my baby in any pain, to even think about anyone ever hurting her is enough to make me ill.
On the flip side, my heart aches in my chest ( and I think my uterus joins in) whenever she meets a new milestone. Every smile and giggle, every time she claps her hands and jumps up and down in excitement, every time she says, "Mama," and gives me a big hug and kiss, my heart skips a beat. My heart quickens in my chest at my little piece of me laughing and dancing around the kitchen. I can literally feel my heart pounding in my chest, like it is trying to work harder to convey the love I have for the piece of my heart living on the outside.
It's a funny thing, motherhood. You spend 40+ weeks (41+ weeks in my case), waiting for that little baby to be born, never knowing that when your baby exits your body and enters the world, she will take a piece of your heart with her. When she is crying at 2 am, your heart (and let's face it, sanity) is crying with her...what could have happened to break her little heart?? (No, seriously, what? WHAT happened?)
When she runs up to you laughing and giving kisses, your heart knows, even if she can't tell you the words, that she loves you completely, that she trusts and needs you...and that you need her too. After all, you can't live without your heart, especially the piece on the outside.

One Word

Time again for One Word Wednesday! I will start with a brief (well, as brief as I can be) prelude.
Miss S is obsessed with our new iPad. Particularly with the Pierre talking Parrot app. Basically, Pierre repeats what you say in a funny parrot voice. You can throw tomatoes at him, hit him, pat him, smash him with cymbals, and best of all...it's free. Baby girl loves it. As soon as she wakes up she asks to play. If she sees a computer, she asks to play. Basically, she wants to play with Pierre all day long. Here is her with her most pitiful, sad puppy dog face...

P-p-p-puh-leeeeeeease!

Oh the Joys.

There are several things about motherhood I didn't expect.

10. Goldfish, Cheerios, raisins and other small food bits in my bra. How do they get there?
9. Oven mitts under my bed. Yes, under my bed. I did not put them there.
8. Signing Time/Baby Signing Time/Potty Time music and DVDs on throughout the day. For every daily activity from "potty" to eating to getting dressed, I sing a Rachel Coleman song.
7. Kid music in the car. Every time.
6. Never getting to use the iPad because of a certain someone's obsession. Plus, she works it better than I do anyways. Seriously, she gets multiple apps on the go and flips back and forth between them. Even the blue shirts at the Apple store couldn't figure it out.
5. Toys that sing, bang and light up. Used only when I already have a headache.
4. Traveling with various treats, clothes and entertainment items...enough for an army, just so I can go to the grocery store.
3. Boogers and sticky hands wiped on my pants. Usually done as I am walking out the door to work.
2. My make-up is now for play. I put it on, she puts it on...then "dusts" the furniture with my brushes.
1. Using the potty and brushing teeth EVERY TIME we see the bathroom. EVERY.TIME.

Alright, I know it's not all sunshine and lollipops, but being a mommy to a toddler is fabulous at the best and infuriating at the worst.
Seriously. Shrieking, loudly. Demanding, repeatedly. Temper tantrums make me want to scream and bang MY head on the floor.
How the heck to you reason with an 18 month old? We have time outs, "reasoning", distractions...and often, just walking away and letting her work it out. This is usually done in front of people. Like she saves up all her fusspot moments for company. Or, if she has been with GranO for the day, for me. She will be an "angel" all day. Sweet and funny, helpful and easy going. Then I walk through the door and she stamps her feet and screams for attention, treats and basically to have her way RIGHT NOW.

OK, OK, bright side: she does coming running at me with hugs and kisses. She holds my hand and snuggles in close. She waves at the door as I walk/drive up the driveway. It's not all bad, in fact, it's mostly wonderful, but on some days, when I have been chasing kindergarteners around all day and just want to sit with my feet up, it feels like she is ten times as needy as usual. It's hard to balance everything. Motherhood, being a wife, having a career, keeping the house clean. Work never ends. Thank God for good TV and wine.

Top 18

My baby turns 18 months old this month. (Well, today actually, but keep in mind that I started this about a week ago.) How can that be? I know, every month I am shocked that she is another month older, but 18 is really significant. That's almost 2. A year and a half. Holy. Cow. I still don't believe it.
To top it off, this milestone age lands (landed) on Friday the 13th. How appropriate because it scares the poopy right out of me. She has seen two Thanksgivings and Halloweens, two Christmas', two New Years Eves, she has had one birthday and her 2nd is halfway here...she is growing up.
Having an 18 month old changes everything. Suddenly people are asking you about toilet training (she loves to sit on the potty, but not so much pee or poo in it, she freaks and shouts, "Blllaaaaah!"). Breast feeding starts to become taboo, and you start to really worry about the development of your baby, especially since everyone and their mother asks how many (if any) words she has, if sign language has delayed those words, if she is "really" talking...Listen up people, I worry about those things enough without you adding to my stress. And FYI, she does have words, strangers just may not understand them.
Seriously though, she does have words. My husband discussed it with her doctor just the other day when she got her needles because apparently at 18 months they should have 5 words. I had to struggle to think of some before I was reminded that the obvious words count. Words he asked for were; "mama", "dada" and "uh-oh". Whew. Safe. She also says "Hi," but she has said that for such a long time that I forget about it, "Gorgor," which is Gordy, our (and any) dog, "gackaaar," cracker, the occasional "bye", recently "buubaaaal," bubble and a variety of other sounds for various things that don't really mean anything to anyone but her family. Apparently that counts though, so we are in the clear.
Enough rambling for crying out loud. The following are the whole reason for this post, the top 18 of the past 18.

18. The following words, "Reach down and get your baby."

17. When my husband said, "It's a girl," even though he was surprised.

16. Our first night at home with our new family.

15. First time her grandparents, great grandparents and all her aunts and uncles met her...seeing how much love our tiny little person had at just a few hours/days old was remarkable.

14. The first smile. Nothing more beautiful.

13. The first time she slept through the night. Nothing more necessary.

12. The first time she rolled over. I just about did too.

11. First time she sat up unassisted. I almost fell over.

10. The first time she crawled. I think I sprouted a few grey hairs.

9. The first time she pulled herself up. Oh God, move everything up a level.

8. First Birthday. Oh. My. God. Where did my baby go?

7. First steps. Even though I missed the first two actual unattended ones, her first steps made me so proud, so happy, and so sad that my baby was becoming so independent.

6. First backwards steps. Ok Miss S, stop showing off.

5. First dance, seeing what a little ham she is.

4. First, and any laughs. The first was the sweetest, but her full blown big girl belly laughs are my favourite. It's infectious. I dare you not to laugh along with her.

3. Her signing. Watching her sign language take off took my breath away. Seeing how smart she is amazes...and scares me.

2. One word. "Mama".

1. The first (and many) times my baby girl has run up to me, thrown her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. Makes my day better no matter what has gone down.

To all you mommas out there who do not yet have an 18 month old, don't be afraid, because with all the scariness of your baby growing up, there are incredible changes and developments of their little personalities. I can see how sweet, smart and funny my little 18 month old is and, while the new mommy in me wants her to stay my baby, I also cannot wait to see what comes next. Especially when "mama" is followed by, "I love you." Her growing up will definitely be worth that.